Beyond belief

Where imaginings may lead

Photo by Mario Verduzco on Unsplash

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All of us may be confused
But is that bad? (I won't say)
Maybe we should (I can't say)
I feel good, good today ...

the dB's

I feel good today. It isn't random: it's on the back of some deep inner shifts that have been happening beneath the surface, like emotional tectonic plates drifting and smashing against one another into a new configuration. This has played havoc with my equilibrium: one moment I'm overwhelmed with sorrow and my eyes are welling up with tears; a short time later I'm buoyant and confident, and smirking with sass.

My friends have all contributed to holding me safely while these inner smashings have been taking place. Old friends who know and love me well; new friends who perhaps don't realise the part they've played. Our editorial gang of four here at Unpsychology (myself, Steve, Lesley and Patrick) gliding along in the patient unfoldings and meandering conversations around the many fine contributions we are working with in preparation for issue 9. All part of the web that holds me.

We never really understand our impact on others, do we? I feel good today, and grateful to all my friends for that holy wellspring from which I'm drawing. On Unpsychology Issue 9, we're working with Imaginings, and my own imagining takes me into the land of friendship and fellowship, where the Unpsychology community dwells. Editors, contributors, readers, supporters... no matter who you are, you belong to this village. I extend my gratitude to you all.

Imagining is a radical, political act. Imagining a better world for others, imagining a better world for ourselves. Tearing down the invisible barriers that prevent us from creating this. What are these barriers that hold us in place, unable to stretch our wings? And what happens when we move beyond them?

I've recently embarked on a course of somatic therapy. I assumed it would be akin to yoga or pilates – introducing stretches and exercises to bring my body into balance with my mind. Before we get to that however, my very skillful therapist is instead focusing on beliefs. What beliefs do I hold that are impacting upon me and my physical wellbeing? What beliefs do I hold that no longer serve me? She did something that surprised me: she mimed pulling a belief from her forehead, shredding it into pieces and setting it aside. Voilà: no longer a belief.

It's not that I haven't done this before now. Probably the most dramatic example was stepping away from my Catholic upbringing to become an atheist; and then realising eventually that I'm more of a pantheist. And if I look at the course of my life, there are many beliefs that have changed or evolved, following experience and consideration. I'm not the same person I was even a year ago, let alone ten, twenty, forty...

“All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real.” Bill Hicks

So how do we go about selecting which beliefs to review and/or change? It has finally occurred to me that the beliefs which need pruning most are the ones we feel most adament about and cling to most protectively. If we follow the premise that all beliefs are malleable and subject to change, then surely we might examine and question the ones to which we stubbornly adhere. What emotional need is creating that adherence? What blinders are we wearing? How is that belief serving us and at what expense?

Those who know me, know that I identify as mad. Two episodes of psychosis unravelled my life and cracked me open. Those experiences were among the most illuminating and valuable of my life. Beliefs fell away, and swirled about me like feathers blowing in a windstorm. I grasped at them and carried first one, then another – crazy beliefs that had no grounding in our so-called reality. And yet... and yet... how ultimately real was my experience? Beliefs are ephemeral, they can dissolve instantly when they meet new information. But experience – sensation – this is the undercurrent which remains steady for living beings. Beliefs shift, but experience remains at our core.

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

William Stafford

So in the spirit of imaginings, I invite you to go beyond your beliefs. Hold onto the thread, and let that stubbornness slip away. Lie back and float on the fluidity of unknowing. It feels good, doesn't it?

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